Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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