She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
