Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
