we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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