Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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