just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
