I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
