when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
