My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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