You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
