Your dad touched me again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
