Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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