My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
