...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
