She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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