i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
