went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize