man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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