i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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