u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
