I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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