Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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