I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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