If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
