who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize