i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
