you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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