Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
