Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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