The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
