i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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