Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
