Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
