how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
