yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
