I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
