Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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