so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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