he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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