i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
