just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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