I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
