He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
