I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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