how can u be prego again
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize