I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
