She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
