Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
