he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
