That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
