A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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