Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
