also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
