ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
