I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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