He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
