Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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