i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
