so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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