I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
