Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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