Your tits are I can't wait for
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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