so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
