I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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