You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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