Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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