I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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