He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
