Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
