I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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