i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers