I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together