I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet