have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
