wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
