thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
