Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.

  (360): View more from Washington

  I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.

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  (503): Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch. (360): I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina. http://tfl.nu/x3ve
  Replies (92) Good night (4871) Bad night (1117)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly

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  (518): you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly http://tfl.nu/e809
  Replies (23) Good night (921) Bad night (5379)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.

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  (703): You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am. http://tfl.nu/rcus
  Replies (11) Good night (3930) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Who won mens moguls?

  (845): View more from New York

  That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

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  (845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously? (1-845): Who won mens moguls? (845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude. http://tfl.nu/8mik
  Replies (63) Good night (6842) Bad night (2368)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.

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  (651): I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old. http://tfl.nu/njv7
  Replies (13) Good night (5603) Bad night (2044)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

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  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (6067) Bad night (1291)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted

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  (847): I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted http://tfl.nu/5rf7
  Replies (6) Good night (2588) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.

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  (407): I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk. http://tfl.nu/whru
  Replies (8) Good night (514) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo

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  (904): The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo http://tfl.nu/8wcq
  Replies (8) Good night (960) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.

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  (630): I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award. http://tfl.nu/kz36
  Replies (5) Good night (1089) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics

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  (304): The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics http://tfl.nu/2xhw
  Replies (5) Good night (525) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well

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  (832): Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well http://tfl.nu/k7w9
  Replies (1) Good night (450) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.

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  (978): Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup. http://tfl.nu/pt6l
  Replies (3) Good night (951) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos

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  (262): I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos http://tfl.nu/7sym
  Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  That's a beautiful sentiment.

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  (210): You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here. (662): That's a beautiful sentiment. http://tfl.nu/40xu
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (152)

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