dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
