You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?