my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home