Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"