he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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