Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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